A Piece of Me

Growing up, life has always been very sweet. Though I didn't come from a wealthy family, my parents have made sure that I get the best of life.

And yes, I have once been a brat. I used to get what I wanted knowing that my parents can't and wouldn't say no to me. I have made sure that I get not just their attention but also what I used to think was rightful for me since I was the youngest among my siblings.

Times came that I wouldn't attend classes if didn't get a pair of shoes that my schoolmates also wore, or the bag that I saw in the mall. And I didn't talk to my parents until they've given me a new cellphone.

When I came to a realization that my parents' world doesn't just evolve around me and that they also have other stuff to put their attention to, I was happy knowing that maybe, just maybe, I have already matured. I thought that I already had a grasp of life, that I already knew how it would treat me and how it would go.

I didn't finish college with the thought that I was ready enough to face the real world, away from my parents' unconditional love, my family's undying support and from the comfort and warmth of our home.

Equipped with my confidence and a few thousand bucks that my mom gave me, I left home and came to the Queen City of the South. I struggled to find a job since I didn't have experience and wasn't able to finish college. I then came to another realization that life wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

I continued to struggle until, one day, I got hired. I was hysterically happy knowing that my prayers had been answered.

I continued my life away from home working in a place that I had grown to love. I found the love of my life that thank God is still with me until today. I found a lot of friends too, some good, some bad. I started to see life in most of young person's perpective. I didn't care if I didn't have enough rest as long as I got to spend time with my friends. I didn't care if I didn't eat healthy food as long as it tasted good. I smoked a lot and got drunk a lot. I didn't care if I didn't have a good relationship with God anymore, as long as I satisfy my worldly needs and got to enjoy life to the fullest.

There were times that I'd go visit home after I resign from a job before getting another one, but I always had a feeling that my hometown is not the place for me anymore. And so my extortion has continued in a few more places. And everytime I do, I always invest not just materially but also emotionally with people that I have learned to appreciate and love.

Now I am back to the place that I really love next to my home.

I wouldn't say that it would be the best time of my life, but I wouldn't say that it is the worse either. I would say that today is a new learning for me. A new realization to ponder. A new chance to prove that I am human who has a heart to clearly see the difference of right from wrong. A time to reunite with my faith to Him.

Today may be the hardest time of my life. I miss the comfort of my home knowing that I don't even have a place to call my own. I have been struggling since the moment I arrived here a few months ago and nothing has changed. I am still struggling.

It is so hard to put into words but my life now is fucked up. I literally don't know where to go and what to do. I am scared as hell that things might not work out anymore. I can't tell my mom like I used to since she is sick and I am afraid that it might worsen her medical condition and I can't forgive myself if something bad happens to her. So, I silently cry myslef to sleep finding peace after I utter my simple little prayer asking God to embrace and comfort me.

I am just thankful to a few friends who have proven to me that there are still people who I can run to and would be there for me when I badly need not just company and comfort, but help.

I am also grateful that my partner has never left me on my bad days. Thankful that he never failed to remind me that life doesn't end today, constantly reminding me that no matter what happens, I still got him and that he's always going to be there for me.

Now, I have fully realized that life isn't as smooth and sweet as I have always envisioned it to be.

Though life might not be a piece of cake, I still believe that it is a gift that may not come in a way that I have expected it to be, I still need to be thankful since I know that it will serve its purpose in God's time.