How do I move on?

I don't know how and where to start but I somehow feel the need to let this feeling out.

How do I cry when my eyes are already tired crying?

How do I shout when my voice ain't cooperating?

How do I move on and how do I learn to forget?

Please. Someone needs to tell me.

Never, maybe. :(

It has been four months since you left Ma, but I still can't accept it. I honestly don't know why. I always tell myself and show everyone that I am okay, but deep inside me, I am not. It's only you who can tell wether I am really okay or not. I miss you sooo bad Ma. I miss you and it breaks my heart everytime I do.

Why do you have to leave when you could have stayed and got better?

*Tears.

Today is the saddest that I have ever been. I wanna see you and feel you and hug you and kiss you. I wanna hear your voice. I wanna talk to you and tell you that I am not okay and that I am dying inside. I need you to comfort me Ma. I need you. I would love to cuddle right next to you.

I miss the feeling of security and comfort that you never failed to give me. :(

*Sobs.

I wanna tell you everything that has happened to me since the day you left. But no matter how I tell myself that you can still hear me and my stories, I still can't convince myself. I still have doubts. And that makes me sick. That makes me miss you more and more everyday. I'd love to keep you updated like I used to. I wanna tell you how I have been.

I have chosen to stay near you Ma. Just a few hours from home. A new place and environment that I have surprisingly learned to love and appreciate.

My job ain't as easy as I have expected it to be but I am enjoying each day that comes. I have never been so excited to work in my entire life.

You should have been be proud of me now. If you could only see me and visit me here, I'd love to tour you around. And show you my new place.

Thank you for being the mother that you are to me. I couldn't have asked for more. You were my bestfriend. And you made me feel that there is nothing that you won't understand and accept. Thank you.

I really miss you Ma. I still miss you everyday. I still cry myself to sleep wishing that this is just a long and tiring nightmare.

I'm sorry if I have, somehow, caused you pain. I didn't mean to. If I could only bring back the time, I would have tried more to obey and understand you. I love you Ma. I'd never stop loving you. You know that. :(

Please rest in peace and love together with ate and our Father up there. I love you. ;'(